What is the fawn response?

Our nervous system responds instinctively to trauma and stress, and we often don’t feel we have a choice when our Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) answers to threatening situations. Our trauma responses show up to help us get our needs met. Often we hear about the Fight, Flight, and Freeze response, but the discussion around the Fawn Response can be neglected. This also may go by other names such as 'please and appease.'

So, again, what is the Fawn Response?

The fawn response is a nervous system response that attempts to avoid the threat of conflict, criticism, disapproval, or harm. Fawning refers to consistently abandoning your thoughts, feelings, needs, or comfort to self-soothe. This response allows for a sense of safety by merging with the needs, wishes, and demands of others, all while ignoring our own. This may be a form of splitting or placating at an attempt for co-regulation.

Fawn response behavior examples include but are not limited to:

• Self-Sacrificing

• Martyrdom

• People-pleasing

• Codependency

• Placating or Appeasing

• Taking responsibility or blame for the emotional reactions, behaviors, and actions of others

• Neglecting your own needs

• Over-apologizing

• Difficulty saying No

• “Blending in” or Chameleon behaviors

• Compromising your values

• Sometimes Dissociation or Disconnection

• Changing your thoughts, ideas, or preferences to align with others

• Porous or lack of boundaries

• Finding Authentic Self-Expression challenging

• Tolerating or Justifying received Abuse or Neglect

• Empathizing with or for your abuser (commonly abusive parents)

• Holding back opinions or preferences (Especially those that might seem controversial)

• Experiencing Chronic Pain or Illness

• Denying your pain, needs, wants, complaints, or discomfort

• Difficulty noticing red flags in relationships

• Stockholm Syndrome is the most extreme form of the fawn response

 The Fawn response is complicated and often linked with trauma. The fawn response should not be confused with choosing to demonstrate compassion, kindness, and selflessness. The fawn response is commonly dominant among those who experience complex trauma, CPTSD, and/or childhood trauma rather than single-event trauma such as catastrophic injury or an accident. Research links relational trauma (such as your relationship with a parent or caregiver) to the fawn response.

Fawning often is deceitful because, if used in safe relationships, it feels like you are maintaining peace and harmony through self-abandonment; when in reality, you are actually deciding to be invisible and making it difficult to connect with you. There is space for you without shrinking or minimizing yourself to fit. Safe people want to know the real you, not their mirror image.

What are some of the strengths of the fawn response?

Again, the fawn response is not a “BAD” part of you; it has remarkable strength, intuition, and resources. This part is often learned as an attempt to keep you safe. The part that pushes aside upsetting feelings, thoughts, and memories to help you keep functioning is not an imposter. This part helps you manage and survive despite all the pain and stress you have experienced. This is a learned response and survival strategy. Although it may feel confusing or chaotic, you are not broken. There is a reason these parts showed up, and healing is possible. Please know that you are not alone and that this response has likely got you through tough situations.

Who can help me to heal my "overworking" Fawn Response and create a wiser nervous system?

You are valuable, which means your needs, ideas, thoughts, and feelings matter. It can be difficult to shift back into your body and present moment experience, but it may help to try accessing and increasing your awareness around your thoughts, feelings, and body.

If you feel ready to address the trauma that has impacted your relationships and get out of survival mode, we would love to help you at Carmel Therapy Network overcome and heal this response. Working with a trauma-informed psychotherapist you can work towards healing your fawn response. Going to a provider skilled in trauma healing is a great first step in getting some support and helping get unstuck. You’ve got this!